Apr 23

hotelmario:

bobshit:

what are snails even trying to do

their best

Apr 23

2000yr:

merlotte:

2000yr:

Can the science side of tumblr explain why my ass itch

wash your fucking ass

Wash your attitude

Apr 23

performerraisse:

mailerlettie:

performerraisse:

mailerlettie:

im on mobile i cant

You can’t what

im on mobile

You can’t what

Shes on mobile she cant

Apr 23

jbkats:

"paramore was pulled off tour for a week when hayley was 16 because her mom grounded her" is the funniest thing i’ve ever heard

Apr 23

pridefulvanity:

next time someone tells you Muslim countries oppress women, let them know Pakistan, Bangladesh, Indonesia, Turkey, Kosovo, Kyrgyzstan, and Senegal have all had female Presidents or Prime Ministers and 1/3rd of Egypt’s parliament is female but the US has yet to even have a female vice president and can’t say “vagina” when discussing female reproductive rights

Apr 23
mixolydian-maelstroms:

bogleech:

what-are-you-doing-here:

goddessofcheese:

brofligate:

did-you-kno:

Source

There is literally nothing better than a sexy, badass lady.

CHING MOTHERFUCKING SHIH
This lady was such a badass, I can’t count the ways, but let’s try.
She got married to an already successful pirate, Zheng Yi, and took over when he died. She was crazy strict to keep an iron fist over her fleet of pirates, and the punishments for stepping out of line were brutal. If you stole or looted from a town that provided assistance or tribute to the pirate fleet, Ching would chop your fucking head off with a battle axe and dump your lifeless body in the ocean.  If you stole from the pirate treasury, or she thought you were stealing from the pirate treasury, Ching would chop your fucking head off dump your lifeless body in the ocean.  Raping any captured female prisoners was punishable by immediate death.  Fuck, if you had consensual sex while on duty you got your head chopped off and the woman was chucked off the boat no matter where they were at.  Ching wasn’t fucking around, and she wanted to make damn sure you weren’t fucking around when you should have been working.
Two years after she took over, she got so notorious for ransacking towns and taking taxes on them that she pissed off the entire Chinese government, and sent out a massive fleet to bring her in line. Most pirates probably would’ve said this was out of their pay grade and taken off to hide out or ransack some other country.
Ching Shih said fuck that.
She not only faced them head on, she wiped the floor with them, killing hundreds and capturing sixty-something ships from the Imperial Fleet. Prisoners were given the choice of joining up or being executed on the spot. The Admiral of the Chinese navy, Kwo Lang, was so afraid of being captured by her or going back to admit he’d been beaten by her that he committed suicide.
For the next two years, Ching Shih not only kept on pirating, she fought off Chinese forces as well as Dutch and British warships that the navy called in to help. Finally the government gave up and offered her amnesty as well as amnesty for her then SEVENTEEN THOUSAND crewman. Ching Shih got to keep all her plunder, so she retired to the countryside where she opened up a brothel and lived until she was 69.
tldr: I’ve come to terms with the reality that I’ll never be as terrifyingly badass as this woman was.

i will be as badass as she

You know, I heard of her, but I’d either forgotten or never heard that she grew old and retired having never been brought down or defeated ever.
She won being a pirate.
She got history’s high score.

Always reblog the best pirate of all times.

mixolydian-maelstroms:

bogleech:

what-are-you-doing-here:

goddessofcheese:

brofligate:

did-you-kno:

Source

There is literally nothing better than a sexy, badass lady.

CHING MOTHERFUCKING SHIH

This lady was such a badass, I can’t count the ways, but let’s try.

She got married to an already successful pirate, Zheng Yi, and took over when he died. She was crazy strict to keep an iron fist over her fleet of pirates, and the punishments for stepping out of line were brutal. If you stole or looted from a town that provided assistance or tribute to the pirate fleet, Ching would chop your fucking head off with a battle axe and dump your lifeless body in the ocean.  If you stole from the pirate treasury, or she thought you were stealing from the pirate treasury, Ching would chop your fucking head off dump your lifeless body in the ocean.  Raping any captured female prisoners was punishable by immediate death.  Fuck, if you had consensual sex while on duty you got your head chopped off and the woman was chucked off the boat no matter where they were at.  Ching wasn’t fucking around, and she wanted to make damn sure you weren’t fucking around when you should have been working.

Two years after she took over, she got so notorious for ransacking towns and taking taxes on them that she pissed off the entire Chinese government, and sent out a massive fleet to bring her in line. Most pirates probably would’ve said this was out of their pay grade and taken off to hide out or ransack some other country.

Ching Shih said fuck that.

She not only faced them head on, she wiped the floor with them, killing hundreds and capturing sixty-something ships from the Imperial Fleet. Prisoners were given the choice of joining up or being executed on the spot. The Admiral of the Chinese navy, Kwo Lang, was so afraid of being captured by her or going back to admit he’d been beaten by her that he committed suicide.

For the next two years, Ching Shih not only kept on pirating, she fought off Chinese forces as well as Dutch and British warships that the navy called in to help. Finally the government gave up and offered her amnesty as well as amnesty for her then SEVENTEEN THOUSAND crewman. Ching Shih got to keep all her plunder, so she retired to the countryside where she opened up a brothel and lived until she was 69.

tldr: I’ve come to terms with the reality that I’ll never be as terrifyingly badass as this woman was.

i will be as badass as she

You know, I heard of her, but I’d either forgotten or never heard that she grew old and retired having never been brought down or defeated ever.

She won being a pirate.

She got history’s high score.

Always reblog the best pirate of all times.

Apr 23

lapfoxs:

this is literally everyone on tumblr

Apr 23

unicorn-sparkle-bug:

zeklos:

crumbled-paper-hearts:

i—need—a—doctor:

When you quote a fictional character around a friend or family member and they don’t notice

image

image

when you quote a fictional character around a stranger or new friend and they notice

image

image

this is how i feel literally EVERY DAY

Apr 23

If homophobia were a conversation about food...

  • Homophobic Person: My favorite food is pizza!
  • Homosexual Person: Cool! My favorite food is pasta!
  • Bisexual Person: I like both!
  • Pansexual Person: Hey guys, I don't have a favorite! I'll pretty much eat what tastes good to me.
  • Asexual Person: I like the way food looks and smells more than the way it tastes.
  • Homophobic Person: whAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DISGUSTING PEOPLE WHY ISN'T PIZZA YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?!?! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL.
Apr 23

freewlfi:

bangarz:

I just found the best Facebook page

i’d call this bullshit but then i remember my aunt went to a private boarding school and my grandpa picked her up in a helicopter every friday so she could go home for the weekends

Apr 23
Apr 23
imgfave:

Posted by WALLQ

imgfave:

Posted by WALLQ

Apr 23

lordfocker:

If a memory wiping device was created I would literally just use it to forget about my favourite tv series and movies to watch them all over again.

Apr 23
unradly:

relahvant:

asktheteamofscientists:

hobgoblinhero:

danadies:

yes-master-thank-you-master:

The Kum and Go. Or as my mom called it, the ejaculate and evacuate.

Jizz and jet

shoot and scoot

blow your load and hit the road

bust ya nut and off ya strut

Y’all some creative motherfuckers

unradly:

relahvant:

asktheteamofscientists:

hobgoblinhero:

danadies:

yes-master-thank-you-master:

The Kum and Go. Or as my mom called it, the ejaculate and evacuate.

Jizz and jet

shoot and scoot

blow your load and hit the road

bust ya nut and off ya strut

Y’all some creative motherfuckers

Apr 23

Katy Perry’s first and last attempt at crowd surfing